omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
pray to the hookup gods
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
