I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
