i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
