i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
honey bunches of taint.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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