i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
