I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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