I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
