The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
