i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
