so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just had sex on a roof
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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