My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
