I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
where are my eyebrows?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
