Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize