i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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