Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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