Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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