I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you never un-have a 4some
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