you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
