She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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