I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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