just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
jump out the window naked night went bad
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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