I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My penis needs a shock collar
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
