I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
