just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
