this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Damn victory sex feels great
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
last night I used snow as a chaser
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