Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
