Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
