Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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