oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
