Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
