Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
