tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
