I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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