Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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