Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
