I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
pray to the hookup gods
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
