He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
