id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
