did you get engaged???
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
