We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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