you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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