Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
