lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
