How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
