I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
