The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
