before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
