You really coming over, don't trick.
I puked a lego.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
