He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
