He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
