yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
