In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
