One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
